Subject: Secret Agent Ambrose Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:35 pm
The camera turns to the sight of Dean Ambrose sitting at his locker room, the World Heavyweight Championship at his shoulder. He takes out what looks to be a walkie-talkie from his SWAT vest. He pushes some buttons on it and begins to speak.
Dean Ambrose: Albatross to Gemini, I repeat, this is Albatross to Gemini, over.
Gemini: Well, well, Agent......It seems you've done an excellent job extracting what we needed from the corporate headquarters.
Dean Ambrose: Yeah, although it seems that The Princess isn't exactly in good hands.....
Gemini: We don't need to worry about her for the moment.
Dean Ambrose: And what about that Ziggler guy? I don't think he's been happy with my.......strategies, so to speak.
Gemini: After an extensive investigation, our resources have found that while he may be sexy, he's harmless. You should probably make amends with him before he gets in your way. You eliminate targets in cold blood, Agent. That's something not a lot of our experts in the field have, strangely. For a rookie, you're pretty reliable.
Dean Ambrose: Call me capable. Got any new assignments for me?
Gemini: I was just going to get to that. Do you believe in myths and legends, Agent?
Dean Ambrose: Myths are just that: myths. Don't believe in them, don't need to start now. Why?
Gemini: Well you might after hearing this: Apparently one of the most infamous mythical beasts is wandering around the WCF weekly shows. Care to take any guesses as to what it might be?
Dean Ambrose: I don't know, Frankenstein's monster?
Gemini: Close, Agent. We're looking for Sasquatch, or as he's most known for, Bigfoot.
Ambrose moves the walkie-talkie away from his ear for a brief moment, suspended in disbelief. He puts the walkie-talkie back up to his ear.
Dean Ambrose: You're kidding me, right?
Gemini: No, Agent. You've been tasked to find him and neutralize him at all costs, and bring him to us.
Dean Ambrose: How the hell am I supposed to find this beast? You expect me to just ask people around for a 10 foot, 500 pound, furball of a man? These people already think I'm deranged, how is that going to help?
Gemini: We can't provide you with any outside weapons to help you bring him down, so you're going to have to figure out some way to do it. As far as his presence goes, we do know that he does participate in weekly matches, so he has to be one of the superstars that's lurking around backstage. He's big, he's angry, and he's dangerous. That's all we know about him.
Dean Ambrose: Great.....Now I'm going to have to search every crevice of this place if I want to get him. Gem, I've been thinking about something: What about the people?
Gemini: The people?
Dean Ambrose: The people who watch the shows Gem. The ones who booed me before the pay per view then cheered for me when I won. That......was a good feeling....... What about them?
Gemini: Agent, perhaps having those citizens on your side could benefit you. They could be the missing link we need here.
Dean Ambrose: I was never exactly a "people person" to say the least.......
Gemini: Maybe, but they love seeing you do what you do best. Good luck, Agent. Nobody said that this was going to be easy. Gemini out.
The feed on the walkie-talkie cuts out as Ambrose sits in contemplation, sighing. He starts talking to himself.
Dean Ambrose: Now who do I talk to if I want to find Bigfoot......Hmm.......
Meanwhile.........
A gloomy face appears in front of the camera, covered in facepaint and surrounded by darkness. He smiles into the camera before speaking in a raspy, yet calm voice.
? ? ?
17th century philosopher David Hume once said "The corruption of the best things gives rise to the worst.", and in looking a the recent events here in World Championship Federation, one cannot help himself but to agree. Your C.E.O. Stephanie McMahon, for example, was so filled with greed that she allowed her husband a chance at the Intercontinental Championship and most likely helped him win it. She was corrupted by greed so much so that she did not worry yet about her own safety and more about what she could have and how 'Daddy's Little Princess' could make even more money and now where is she? Held up in the helm of some delinquent, faux, wannabe 70s gangster who wants nothing more than to try and live his glory days to make up for the fact that he has gone nowhere since leaving the now defunct and unimportant World Wrestling Entertainment.
The figure licks his lips a bit as he slowly turns his head to the other side.
? ? ?
Now, Mr. Bully Ray, what exactly is all this going to accomplish? Maybe give yourself a title shot? Book your enemies in impossible to win matches? Mr. Hume's quote fits oh so perfectly, but how? What makes you the worst? Is it the fact that no one around here gives a damn about Stephanie McMahon and therefore you can continue to 'make waves' by calling whatever shots you want? Like for instance, 'WCF and Bully Ray Present Fuhgetaboutit'? Well, NEWS FLASH BULLY RAY, no one gives a good god damn abou you either. For all they care you are just some other stick in the mud preventing them from accomplishing any goal they may have and they are willing to walk all over you just like they would any other authority figure. So what is it that makes you special Bully Ray? Why this occasion though? What makes you so special that of all people, you choose to step up? Huh? SHOW ME BULLY! SHOW ME WHY YOU MATTER THIS MUCH.
The feed cuts to Ambrose walking down a hallway, seemingly wandering in circles. He notices a few superstars walking down the hallway, he asks them indiscernible questions, but they don't have any answers. Frustrated, he leans back onto a wall, thinking about what to do next......
Dean's eyes widen a bit, as though he has just gotten an idea. He walks over cautiously into territories of the backstage area that seem to be either off the beaten path or just dirtier than the rest of the hallways......
Meanwhile........
The camera cuts back to the dark room from earlier, this time the painted face appears to be in mid-sentence.
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...but, that was last week. As for this week, it seems Mr. Bully Ray wishes to 'test' me by placing me in the ring with two goons. One which has done nothing incredible since being destroy last December and the other which hasn't been relevant since he was 'The Most Unwatchable WWE Champion' back in 2011. Now, which one of you exactly I'll pin, that's up to you but fear this, I do not walk into this match with high hopes of winning but instead with high hopes of shredding your career into pieces. So much so that you will not remember this very night and the so-called 'authorities' will not EVER deem you worthy for more than a spot somewhere in the middle of the card where people can forget you before you both make fools of yourselves.
The figure allows what looks like blood to drip from his mouth as he smiles before speaking once more.
? ? ?
And when I am done with you...
Suddenly the door busts open,prompting the mysterious figure into throwing a fit and he tosses his camera to the side, appearing to be flustered. At the door is Dean Ambrose, grinning.
Dean Ambrose: Sorry for interrupting your little diatribe here, Mr. Krimson, but I've got a couple of questions. And I'm gonna need some answers. I'm looking for a guy you might be familiar with: His name is Sasquatch, otherwise known as Bigfoot. Seeing as how you're a man who's been driven to the edge countless times like myself, I figured you'd know...... Where's Bigfoot?
Krimson: Sasquatch? Why the hell would I know who or where this 'Sasquatch' is? Do I LOOK like a freak?
Dean Ambrose: Well you do have a skirt on.
Krimson: Its a kilt if you must know.
Dean Ambrose: Looks like a skirt to me. But whatever, you're going to tell me some answers, otherwise what's left of you....Will be even worse than what you look like now.
Krimson: I wouldn't be the one talking about 'looking worse', but if all you needed was answers than you should have said so.
Dean Ambrose: Don't push it Crow, otherwise I'll give you a war you won't believe.
Krimson: If you insist Ms. Foley's baby boy.
Dean Ambrose: I'm looking for a big hairball that's around seven to eight feet tall, weighs around 500 pounds, and is pissed off all the time. You know where I can find him?
Krimson: Well, I'd love to help you but that seems like a common criteria around here.
Dean Ambrose: I hope that's not sarcasm, because I don't think I see a lot of tall, 500 pound angry beasts wandering around the locker room. He's apparently wandering around the shows, so I figured you might have a clue as to his whereabouts.
Krimson: You must not sleep with one eye open let alone look with both your eyes. Let me think. Uhh. Ah. If I'm not mistaken, he has a match with...oh what's his name? O'Reily? Bill O'Reily? Bill Demotte? Billy Graham? Billy Gunn? Billy Gunn?! Oh yes this 'Sasquatch' has a match with Billy Gunn's stunt double later tonight.
Dean Ambrose: You mean Dolph Ziggler?
Krimson: Isn't that what I said?
Dean Ambrose: .....Sure. Thanks for the help. And get some pants.
Krimson: I'll get some pants when you invest in something a little less 'pedophilish'.
Ambrose smirks and walks away, while Krimson tells the cameraman to get the hell out of his face. Krimson slams the door to his locker room shut and the segment fades to black.....
